I like being alone but not the loneliness

Today is my 19th birthday *hooray* and i guess it’s reflecting on the past year that inspired the title of this post.

Although I try not to count the number of people wishing me happy birthday I notice the contrast in my life from last year. From hanging with friends all day and being called continuously to two Facebook messages and a visit to a friend to help them with work. I wonder if this is just a part of “getting older” as they say and I honestly wish it wasn’t so..

I’ve been down recently and as someone who’s very enthusiastic about birthdays I had the naive belief today would be great.. It has been painfully average and my mind has been choaotic to say the least. 

The title of this post is inspired by the fact that over the past year I’ve started university and as someone who is socially awkward it’s been hard to make friends, not only that but the friends I’ve made don’t have years of memories with me; and the people I thought I couldn’t live without I barely speak to anymore. Yesterday I went to Brighton alone (post to come tomorrow) and enjoyed myself so much but there were sad undertones in that I enjoy being alone but the loneliness is crushing.

If you’ve read this whole thing I commend you. I sort of just wrote in a stream of consciousness style.

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