Going round in circles

Have you ever reached a point in life where you feel like you’re going round in circles. That’s how I feel right now except I have a time deadline.

I am trying to decide whether to go into a research career or Medicine and have to decide by September (as this is when the applications start for lab placements which are part of my course). Do I cut my course down to 3 years (it’s 4) and apply for graduate medicine or apply for a transfer (which is very unlikely). However if everything goes wrong and I don’t get onto a graduate course I have no lab experience….

And then my old doubts about medicine pop up in regards to the lifestyle it leads to and am I good enough etc,..

Having this swimming around my head whilst trying to write my final summative essay of the year is hard and my brain is frazzled.

Anyone got advice?

I’m comforted by the fact that most people don’t know what to do in regards to careers so i’m not alone I guess//

My Summer reading list

My Summer reading list:

All descriptions from goodreads (https://www.goodreads.com/)

 

  • Admissions → Henry Marsh

Following the publication of Do No Harm, Dr. Henry Marsh retired from his position at a hospital in London. But his career continued, taking him to remote hospitals in places such as Nepal and Pakistan, where he offers his services as surgeon and teacher to those in need. Now, Marsh considers the challenges of working in those difficult conditions, alongside the challenges of putting a career of fifty years behind you and finding further purpose in life and work..

  • The Thing Around Your Neck → Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

In her most intimate and seamlessly crafted work to date, Adichie turns her penetrating eye on not only Nigeria but America, in twelve dazzling stories that explore the ties that bind men and women, parents and children, Africa and the United States.

  • All about love → Bell Hooks

In eleven concise chapters, hooks explains how our everyday notions of what it means to give and receive love often fail us, and how these ideals are established in early childhood. She offers a rethinking of self-love (without narcissism) that will bring peace and compassion to our personal and professional lives, and asserts the place of love to end struggles between individuals, in communities, and among societies. Moving from the cultural to the intimate, hooks notes the ties between love and loss and challenges the prevailing notion that romantic love is the most important love of all.

  • Desert Solitaire → Edward Abbey

Abbey vividly captures the essence of his life during three seasons as a park ranger in southeastern Utah. This is a rare view of a quest to experience nature in its purest form — the silence, the struggle, the overwhelming beauty. But this is also the gripping, anguished cry of a man of character who challenges the growing exploitation of the wilderness by oil and mining interests, as well as by the tourist industry.

  • The Emperor’s Children → Claire Messud

There is beautiful, sophisticated Marina Thwaite—an “It” girl finishing her first book; the daughter of Murray Thwaite, celebrated intellectual and journalist—and her two closest friends from Brown, Danielle, a quietly appealing television producer, and Julius, a cash-strapped freelance critic. The delicious complications that arise among them become dangerous when Murray’s nephew, Frederick “Bootie” Tubb, an idealistic college dropout determined to make his mark, comes to town. As the skies darken, it is Bootie’s unexpected decisions—and their stunning, heartbreaking outcome—that will change each of their lives forever.

  • The Deptford Trilogy → Robertson Davies

Who killed Boy Staunton?

Around this central mystery is woven a glittering, fantastical, cunningly contrived trilogy of novels. Luring the reader down labyrinthine tunnels of myth, history, and magic, The Deptford Trilogy provides an exhilarating antidote to a world from where “the fear and dread and splendour of wonder have been banished.”

  • The Secret History → Donna Tartt

Under the influence of their charismatic classics professor, a group of clever, eccentric misfits at an elite New England college discover a way of thinking and living that is a world away from the humdrum existence of their contemporaries. But when they go beyond the boundaries of normal morality they slip gradually from obsession to corruption and betrayal, and at last – inexorably – into evil.

  • The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao → Junot Díaz

Things have never been easy for Oscar, a sweet but disastrously overweight ghetto nerd, a New Jersey romantic who dreams of becoming the Dominican J.R.R. Tolkien and, most of all, of finding love. But he may never get what he wants, thanks to the fukú — the ancient curse that has haunted Oscar’s family for generations, dooming them to prison, torture, tragic accidents, and, above all, ill-starred love. Oscar, still dreaming of his first kiss, is only its most recent victim – until the fateful summer that he decides to be its last.

  • The Rachel Papers → Martin Amis

In his uproarious first novel Martin Amis, author of the bestselling London Fields, gave us one of the most noxiously believable — and curiously touching — adolescents ever to sniffle and lust his way through the pages of contemporary fiction. On the brink of twenty, Charles High-way preps desultorily for Oxford, cheerfully loathes his father, and meticulously plots the seduction of a girl named Rachel — a girl who sorely tests the mettle of his cynicism when he finds himself falling in love with her

  • Even Cowgirls Get the Blues → Tom Robbins

Starring Sissy Hanshaw–flawlessly beautiful, almost. A small-town girl with big-time dreams and a quirk to match–hitchhiking her way into your heart, your hopes, and your sleeping bags…Featuring Bonanza Jellybean and the smooth-riding cowgirls of Rubber Rose Ranch. Chink, lascivious guru of yams and yang. Julian, Mohawk by birth; asthmatic esthete and husband by disposition. Dr. Robbins, preventive psychiatrist and reality instructor…

  • Lunar Park → Bret Easton Ellis

Bret Ellis, the narrator of Lunar Park, is a writer whose first novel Less Than Zero catapulted him to international stardom while he was still in college. In the years that followed he found himself adrift in a world of wealth, drugs, and fame, as well as dealing with the unexpected death of his abusive father. After a decade of decadence a chance for salvation arrives; the chance to reconnect with an actress he was once involved with, and their son. But almost immediately his new life is threatened by a freak sequence of events and a bizarre series of murders that all seem to connect to Ellis’s past. His attempts to save his new world from his own demons makes Lunar Park Ellis’s most suspenseful novel.

  • The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton →Anne Sexton

From the joy and anguish of her own experience, Sexton fashioned poems that told truths about the inner lives of men and women. This book comprises Sexton’s ten volumes of verse, including the Pulitzer Prize-winner Live or Die, as well as seven poems from her last years.

  • Ask the Passengers → A.S. King

Astrid Jones desperately wants to confide in someone, but her mother’s pushiness and her father’s lack of interest tell her they’re the last people she can trust. Instead, Astrid spends hours lying on the backyard picnic table watching airplanes fly overhead. She doesn’t know the passengers inside, but they’re the only people who won’t judge her when she asks them her most personal questions–like what it means that she’s falling in love with a girl.

 

As her secret relationship becomes more intense and her friends demand answers, Astrid has nowhere left to turn. She can’t share the truth with anyone except the people at thirty thousand feet, and they don’t even know she’s there. But little does Astrid know just how much even the tiniest connection will affect these strangers’ lives–and her own–for the better.

  • Code Name Verity → Elizabeth Wein

I have two weeks. You’ll shoot me at the end no matter what I do.

That’s what you do to enemy agents. It’s what we do to enemy agents. But I look at all the dark and twisted roads ahead and cooperation is the easy way out. Possibly the only way out for a girl caught red-handed doing dirty work like mine – and I will do anything, anything to avoid SS-Hauptsturmführer von Linden interrogating me again.

 

He has said that I can have as much paper as I need. All I have to do is cough up everything I can remember about the British War Effort. And I’m going to. But the story of how I came to be here starts with my friend Maddie. She is the pilot who flew me into France – an Allied Invasion of Two.

We are a sensational team.

  • Shatter Me →Tahereh Mafi

I have a curse

I have a gift

 

I am a monster

I’m more than human

 

My touch is lethal

My touch is power

 

I am their weapon

I will fight back

 

Juliette hasn’t touched anyone in exactly 264 days.

 

The last time she did, it was an accident, but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder. No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal. As long as she doesn’t hurt anyone else, no one really cares. The world is too busy crumbling to pieces to pay attention to a 17-year-old girl. Diseases are destroying the population, food is hard to find, birds don’t fly anymore, and the clouds are the wrong color.

 

The Reestablishment said their way was the only way to fix things, so they threw Juliette in a cell. Now so many people are dead that the survivors are whispering war – and The Reestablishment has changed its mind. Maybe Juliette is more than a tortured soul stuffed into a poisonous body. Maybe she’s exactly what they need right now.

 

Juliette has to make a choice: Be a weapon. Or be a warrior.

 

Being “busy”

I’m back should I say, with life and just everything I’ve been busy. I say that but i’m trying to work on not just using ‘life’ and being ‘busy’ as an excuse for not getting things done. I’ve found over the years that I’ve said yes to so many things, which all crashed down on me when it all built up and my mental health suffered I would bail and quit. because of this I’ve been anxious to do too much in case this leads to exhaustion and any negative consequences on my mental health.

The past couple of months have been super busy for me although I hate that phrase because looking back i’ve had a lot of free time and have just been disorganised and easily distracted. However in the past couple of weeks i’ve had an increased amount of plans and visited friends and have managed to get work done. I have then reflected and have decided that going forwards I want to say yes to more things but be wary of my commitments.

Furthermore, visiting other areas where I don’t have phone signal has been an eye-opening experience. Although I hate to admit I got home and spent too much time scrolling through my social media, I’m planning to cut this down with every Sunday being a no social media day from now on in order to minimise the effects it has on me as well as just generally engaging more with my life.

This has been a slight stream of consciousness but as this blog-thingy is like a slight online-journal style thing for me it helps.

A month of hard work

As someone who doesn’t like to leave things to the last minute i’m panicking slightly right now as I have exams at the end of April..only  a month away. I have been steadily revising but now it’s the final stretch and i’m so not ready but here goes.

I’ve tried to schedule some posts etc. but i’ll be super busy so if you don’t see anything that’s why

3 subscribers, really?

Now if you’ve read my previous post on the topic you will know that I have a youtube channel. I currently have 3 subscribers (one of which is my other channel) yaaay. And I admit sometimes I feel like is it worth the effort it takes to film (it’s more than it looks) but then I remember the whole reason I wanted to make one is because I wanted to get out of my comfort zone. Starting the channel I was talking about music as it’s a big part of my life but now I realise how much more I want to try and put into it, more things similar to here with ideas on mental health and advice etc. whether or not anyone responds (out of 3 subscribers one comments). Because success isn’t always how many followers you have…

 

also for those of you that don’t see my face..that’s me… heey