Going round in circles

Have you ever reached a point in life where you feel like you’re going round in circles. That’s how I feel right now except I have a time deadline.

I am trying to decide whether to go into a research career or Medicine and have to decide by September (as this is when the applications start for lab placements which are part of my course). Do I cut my course down to 3 years (it’s 4) and apply for graduate medicine or apply for a transfer (which is very unlikely). However if everything goes wrong and I don’t get onto a graduate course I have no lab experience….

And then my old doubts about medicine pop up in regards to the lifestyle it leads to and am I good enough etc,..

Having this swimming around my head whilst trying to write my final summative essay of the year is hard and my brain is frazzled.

Anyone got advice?

I’m comforted by the fact that most people don’t know what to do in regards to careers so i’m not alone I guess//

Saving money..

As a naturally anxious person I always worry about the future and some of that comes from my mother, it’s not her fault but she’s always worried about financial stability with having never brought her own house instead renting. Since I was a child she’s drilled it into my head to save for a house etc. I’m currently at uni and work weekends and have been saving as much as I can in an isa (which isn’t a lot I know a house deposit is still a far goal). But then I realised when researching about saving for a mortgage (yes I’m that anxious person that has been googling about mortgage advice from age 16) that you don’t have to buy a house. I know that sounds stupid but when you’ve had an idea for years and years sometimes it’s hard to see different. And that moment set me free in a sense… I still want to own a house one day, the focus being on the words one day. And I’m not gonna waste my savings but when I get paid I’m going to buy some things for me.. Not transfer most of it into a savings account (I do usually save most of it and spend the rest on things like gym membership, travel to uni etc). And it gives me the freedom of not knowing where I’m going to live for a long time… I can travel and explore until I find that place and change where I work etc…

Just a ramble but I feel a weight has lifted, how’re you today?

When I move out i’ll…

Living in the future is a habit that i’m slowly getting myself out of and part of this is recognising when and how i live in what i believe to be my future. The other day I was reflecting on becoming vegetarian and how I always struggle being at home where my mother can cook food containing meat so easily and it’d be available when i get home from uni and the same thing popped into my head: “when i move out it’ll be easy”. Then i realised that i’ve been in this same cycle since I finished high school and as i’m planning to stay at home for the duration of my uni course (4 years) i can’t put off everything and say when i move out everything will change…i’ll be 23 when my course finishes and want to move out by the time i’m 25 (I wan’t to buy>rent) and i can’t remain the same person until then in the hope that moving will cause me to reinvent myself and fulfil all my wishes…

so from now on the phrase ‘when i move out i’ll’ is no more to me, especially as i’ve noticed my brother start to say it too…

Where will I end up in five years if I continue as I am now….

The future is always uncertain and I wonder am I on the right path… But I suppose you never know. I try not to focus too much on 5 years so I don’t live in the future and forget right now….

I like to think I’d be happy in 5 years but doesn’t everyone.. Personal growth is always needed and in 5 years I hope to be a new better person…