Going round in circles

Have you ever reached a point in life where you feel like you’re going round in circles. That’s how I feel right now except I have a time deadline.

I am trying to decide whether to go into a research career or Medicine and have to decide by September (as this is when the applications start for lab placements which are part of my course). Do I cut my course down to 3 years (it’s 4) and apply for graduate medicine or apply for a transfer (which is very unlikely). However if everything goes wrong and I don’t get onto a graduate course I have no lab experience….

And then my old doubts about medicine pop up in regards to the lifestyle it leads to and am I good enough etc,..

Having this swimming around my head whilst trying to write my final summative essay of the year is hard and my brain is frazzled.

Anyone got advice?

I’m comforted by the fact that most people don’t know what to do in regards to careers so i’m not alone I guess//

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Being “busy”

I’m back should I say, with life and just everything I’ve been busy. I say that but i’m trying to work on not just using ‘life’ and being ‘busy’ as an excuse for not getting things done. I’ve found over the years that I’ve said yes to so many things, which all crashed down on me when it all built up and my mental health suffered I would bail and quit. because of this I’ve been anxious to do too much in case this leads to exhaustion and any negative consequences on my mental health.

The past couple of months have been super busy for me although I hate that phrase because looking back i’ve had a lot of free time and have just been disorganised and easily distracted. However in the past couple of weeks i’ve had an increased amount of plans and visited friends and have managed to get work done. I have then reflected and have decided that going forwards I want to say yes to more things but be wary of my commitments.

Furthermore, visiting other areas where I don’t have phone signal has been an eye-opening experience. Although I hate to admit I got home and spent too much time scrolling through my social media, I’m planning to cut this down with every Sunday being a no social media day from now on in order to minimise the effects it has on me as well as just generally engaging more with my life.

This has been a slight stream of consciousness but as this blog-thingy is like a slight online-journal style thing for me it helps.

Do I leave or do I stay?

I recently met up with an old friend who goes to a different uni to me, and we talked about our experiences. At the end of the conversation she said to me that she thinks I should move out, as I currently commute an hour and a half to uni daily on the tube. Now the thought has occurred to me before (normally on the tube during said commute) but I’d never seriously considered it because of the cost (convincing my parents to let me is a struggle) and if i’m brutally honest it’s way out of my comfort zone and i’d been too scared. I’m currently unsure as my friends are moving into a 4 bedroom house and if i’m honest I don’t want to move into a massive group house, one of my friends is considering attending my uni next year dependent on her grades but I don’t want to make a decision based on that but also do I want to live alone? (convincing my parents I want to spend over £400 a month to live alone would never work) my brain is currently filled with so many thoughts.

Anyone have experience of moving out and have any advice?

The little things

Hey all,

Just an update..uni has been hectic as the term is ending and my current unit is physics based so i’m dying. However i’m still trying to persevere and keep going. Today I managed to go running after finishing my coursework and managed a new PB in regards to min/mile going from 13:37 to 12:47 (however my mileage was a little lower due to time constraints) and i’ve been eating healthier so it’s the small wins for me.

Any successes this week?

Running in the rain 

Today I ran in the rain. Like they say it’s better to just do rather than think about it, I woke up and freaked out when it was raining thinking I wouldn’t be able to run then was like screw it and grabbed a coat and went for it. And it was great the rain cools you down while running and just as I finished the sun came out. Also as I finished a little dog came running towards me so I was like aww.

I ran for about 10 minutes long than last time with 1 minute jog-1 min 15 walk intervals so I’m pleased with myself. How’s your Sunday morning going?

Spontaneity

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

As someone who isn’t productive unless their whole day is planned in advance I’m in the habit of planning my life away… every moment pencilled in as such. I realised I need a balance of planning and spontaneity because I can plan to work for 3 hours but if on that day i’m not feeling it or can’t concentrate no amount of planning will help. And if I have planned to do work and don’t I get anxious about being behind. This is a cycle that I need to alter because I don’t want to end up doing nothing but at the same time don’t want to be constantly clock watching.

Do you plan or just live as life takes you? Any tips/tricks feel free to let me know

What advice would you give to yourself 3 years ago?

Continuing on the theme of reflection…

3 years ago I was 16 and looking forward to finishing my GCSE’s and a nice summer ahead. If I could go back there’s so much I would change, isn’t that always the way. The people who were there for me aged 16 are nowhere to be seen now and i’d love to have warned myself but to be honest I don’t regret all the time I spent with them. I’d tell myself to treasure the memories and don’t be mad at them or yourself about what happens, life happens and in the end you’re better for it. Just don’t let how people act define your life. I’d tell myself you will quit this job and it won’t be the end of the world you’ll find one you love just as much although yes you will miss all the people you worked with and they will forget about you, it’s natural. Mostly i’d say stop putting up with people and things that make you unhappy: at age 16 my mental health was already rocky and it’s a long way ahead before you even start to feel stable in yourself but that’s okay you don’t have to have it all sorted out so young. Also don’t let others tell you that everyone gets upset you’re fine-you have anxiety and bouts of depression and that’s okay it doesn’t define you. Mostly just keep going even when life seems tough, it does get better…even if it doesn’t seem it yet (still learning this currently).

What would you tell your younger self? Feel free to let me know in the comments