What advice would you give to yourself 3 years ago?

Continuing on the theme of reflection…

3 years ago I was 16 and looking forward to finishing my GCSE’s and a nice summer ahead. If I could go back there’s so much I would change, isn’t that always the way. The people who were there for me aged 16 are nowhere to be seen now and i’d love to have warned myself but to be honest I don’t regret all the time I spent with them. I’d tell myself to treasure the memories and don’t be mad at them or yourself about what happens, life happens and in the end you’re better for it. Just don’t let how people act define your life. I’d tell myself you will quit this job and it won’t be the end of the world you’ll find one you love just as much although yes you will miss all the people you worked with and they will forget about you, it’s natural. Mostly i’d say stop putting up with people and things that make you unhappy: at age 16 my mental health was already rocky and it’s a long way ahead before you even start to feel stable in yourself but that’s okay you don’t have to have it all sorted out so young. Also don’t let others tell you that everyone gets upset you’re fine-you have anxiety and bouts of depression and that’s okay it doesn’t define you. Mostly just keep going even when life seems tough, it does get better…even if it doesn’t seem it yet (still learning this currently).

What would you tell your younger self? Feel free to let me know in the comments

 

Not running away just literally running…

Today I woke up at 7:30 and joined in my local park run and run/walked/crawled 5k in 39 minutes. 

This doesn’t seem like a lot but I haven’t run in ages and the weather my days… I’m not a naturally good runner and my lungs are disgraceful but I’m trying and putting more effort into things that benefit me because running makes me feel badass even if I’m struggling throughout. And throughout I kept telling myself I’m still here, I’m not the fastest or the best but I haven’t given up I’m still here. And to me that was a lot even though it’s something most people wouldn’t think twice about.

Taking small steps towards improvement. This run wasn’t about burning calories or a set time it was me vs me and I won.

Self reflection

For those of you who read my birthday post it sort of jolted me into action…not that i’ve done much but i’ve been thinking about my life and how i’ve spent years thinking about how unenthusiastic I am with my life and how stagnant i’ve become. And then I just thought to myself why have I done nothing about it? As someone with social anxiety making friends is difficult to me and I end up relying on old friends that have let me down time and time again, but slowly i’m making progress and trying to focus on self growth as much as possible.

I’ve started planning my time to be effective in my study habits and reduce any anxiety around that and just feel more comfortable and not rushed. If you have any tips let me know in the comments because I guess I just reached that point of being done with doing nothing…

Hopefully updates to come…

also the picture i’ve used for this I love…

 

Running away part 2.

I have a post on here titled running away where I talked about my love for Brighton and the idea of running to the place where you feel at home.

I recently went to Brighton in my reading week and spent some time sitting on the beach and wandering the streets. This is my idea of heaven just strolling around not thinking of anything in particular. I spent an hour sitting on the beach/standing in the water just feeling free. The beach has the unique ability to clear my mind of any muddling thoughts and Brighton has always felt like a home away from home.

So to continue the idea of the running away post, I still don’t know if running away is ever a good idea but a days escape can do the mind wonders even if the effect is short lived

I like being alone but not the loneliness

Today is my 19th birthday *hooray* and i guess it’s reflecting on the past year that inspired the title of this post.

Although I try not to count the number of people wishing me happy birthday I notice the contrast in my life from last year. From hanging with friends all day and being called continuously to two Facebook messages and a visit to a friend to help them with work. I wonder if this is just a part of “getting older” as they say and I honestly wish it wasn’t so..

I’ve been down recently and as someone who’s very enthusiastic about birthdays I had the naive belief today would be great.. It has been painfully average and my mind has been choaotic to say the least. 

The title of this post is inspired by the fact that over the past year I’ve started university and as someone who is socially awkward it’s been hard to make friends, not only that but the friends I’ve made don’t have years of memories with me; and the people I thought I couldn’t live without I barely speak to anymore. Yesterday I went to Brighton alone (post to come tomorrow) and enjoyed myself so much but there were sad undertones in that I enjoy being alone but the loneliness is crushing.

If you’ve read this whole thing I commend you. I sort of just wrote in a stream of consciousness style.