Going round in circles

Have you ever reached a point in life where you feel like you’re going round in circles. That’s how I feel right now except I have a time deadline.

I am trying to decide whether to go into a research career or Medicine and have to decide by September (as this is when the applications start for lab placements which are part of my course). Do I cut my course down to 3 years (it’s 4) and apply for graduate medicine or apply for a transfer (which is very unlikely). However if everything goes wrong and I don’t get onto a graduate course I have no lab experience….

And then my old doubts about medicine pop up in regards to the lifestyle it leads to and am I good enough etc,..

Having this swimming around my head whilst trying to write my final summative essay of the year is hard and my brain is frazzled.

Anyone got advice?

I’m comforted by the fact that most people don’t know what to do in regards to careers so i’m not alone I guess//

Being “busy”

I’m back should I say, with life and just everything I’ve been busy. I say that but i’m trying to work on not just using ‘life’ and being ‘busy’ as an excuse for not getting things done. I’ve found over the years that I’ve said yes to so many things, which all crashed down on me when it all built up and my mental health suffered I would bail and quit. because of this I’ve been anxious to do too much in case this leads to exhaustion and any negative consequences on my mental health.

The past couple of months have been super busy for me although I hate that phrase because looking back i’ve had a lot of free time and have just been disorganised and easily distracted. However in the past couple of weeks i’ve had an increased amount of plans and visited friends and have managed to get work done. I have then reflected and have decided that going forwards I want to say yes to more things but be wary of my commitments.

Furthermore, visiting other areas where I don’t have phone signal has been an eye-opening experience. Although I hate to admit I got home and spent too much time scrolling through my social media, I’m planning to cut this down with every Sunday being a no social media day from now on in order to minimise the effects it has on me as well as just generally engaging more with my life.

This has been a slight stream of consciousness but as this blog-thingy is like a slight online-journal style thing for me it helps.

Do I leave or do I stay?

I recently met up with an old friend who goes to a different uni to me, and we talked about our experiences. At the end of the conversation she said to me that she thinks I should move out, as I currently commute an hour and a half to uni daily on the tube. Now the thought has occurred to me before (normally on the tube during said commute) but I’d never seriously considered it because of the cost (convincing my parents to let me is a struggle) and if i’m brutally honest it’s way out of my comfort zone and i’d been too scared. I’m currently unsure as my friends are moving into a 4 bedroom house and if i’m honest I don’t want to move into a massive group house, one of my friends is considering attending my uni next year dependent on her grades but I don’t want to make a decision based on that but also do I want to live alone? (convincing my parents I want to spend over £400 a month to live alone would never work) my brain is currently filled with so many thoughts.

Anyone have experience of moving out and have any advice?

Time flies…

It’s been a while…

Time really does fly, i’ve been at uni everyday for quite long hours and have been hanging out with friends meaning my free time is limited, as well as trying to make youtube videos (more on that later). But this has made me value my time a little more and what I do with it, even though my exams are looming i’m trying to make sure i don’t panic and spend hours reading but rather balancing my time..

how’s your work/life balance going?

Depersonalisation

A screenshot from the NHS website just as a general outline of what depersonalisation/derealisation is. I have realised recently that I suffer from depersonalisation… I don’t have severe symptoms and no early traumatic childhood but I often feel detached from the world, feel normal environments are unfamiliar and as if I am watching a movie of myself.

Anyone experience this and have any advice?y

Saving money..

As a naturally anxious person I always worry about the future and some of that comes from my mother, it’s not her fault but she’s always worried about financial stability with having never brought her own house instead renting. Since I was a child she’s drilled it into my head to save for a house etc. I’m currently at uni and work weekends and have been saving as much as I can in an isa (which isn’t a lot I know a house deposit is still a far goal). But then I realised when researching about saving for a mortgage (yes I’m that anxious person that has been googling about mortgage advice from age 16) that you don’t have to buy a house. I know that sounds stupid but when you’ve had an idea for years and years sometimes it’s hard to see different. And that moment set me free in a sense… I still want to own a house one day, the focus being on the words one day. And I’m not gonna waste my savings but when I get paid I’m going to buy some things for me.. Not transfer most of it into a savings account (I do usually save most of it and spend the rest on things like gym membership, travel to uni etc). And it gives me the freedom of not knowing where I’m going to live for a long time… I can travel and explore until I find that place and change where I work etc…

Just a ramble but I feel a weight has lifted, how’re you today?